


Roadtrips are No Fun Alone

by Tibki



Category: One Piece
Genre: Drabble, Gen, I'm amazed they're going anywhere too, Mugiwaras, Straw Hats being Straw Hats, Sunny's a van, because that van's gonna end up as scraps soon, friendly fluff, idk - Freeform, it's gonna go nowhere really, oneshot shenanigans, technically modern AU?, thank God for Franky he'll fix Sunny though, they're on a roadtrip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tibki/pseuds/Tibki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, Why Cramming 9 Pirates into a Modified VW Bus is a Bad Idea.</p>
<p>modern!AU Straw Hats are on a roadtrip! Where to? I dunno. When'll they get there? I dunno. Does anyone know anything? Yeah - Luffy's hungry.</p>
<p>Stupid little two-scene drabble that I wrote because I was bored and needed a laugh one day. There's nothing more to it so don't ask, but I hope it makes you guys laugh too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Roadtrip, or, Why Cramming 9 Pirates into a Modified VW Bus is a Bad Idea

_growlgrowlROAR_

All heads turned towards the front seat, shocked. Even Nami looked away from the road for a second. “You can’t be serious,” Sanji said, and if he’d had a cigarette in his mouth it would’ve dropped out (in an uncharacteristic display of savagery, Chopper had threatened to rip his eyebrow off if he so much as _thought_ about chain-smoking in an area this confined). “You shitty black hole, you’ve already eaten everything in the damn van!”

Luffy moaned miserably and clutched his gut. “I’m _hungry_ …”

“I packed ten pounds of food!” Nami screeched, incredulous. Sure he ate a lot back at home, but he was usually content for a few hours after eating five or ten or so plates. This had been three times the amount, and half the time! “How the _hell_ —?!”

Robin tittered, amused as Luffy twisted and laid like a dying man between his and Nami’s armrests. “So… hungry…”

“Just head for a McDonalds or something.”

“Oi, you $hithead Marimo! Don’t tell Nami-swan what to do!”

“What’d you call me?!”

“I’m not heading to a _drive-through_! We’re wanted fugitives! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! And stop fighting before I make you!”

“Huuuungryyyy,” Luffy moaned again. He blinked, and lifted his arm, eyeing it curiously.

Chopper in the back seat turned white. “No, Luffy! No! _No!_ Stop eating your arm! _Luffy!”_

The doctor unbuckled and shot like a bullet for the sudden auto-cannibal in front seat, diving nimbly between the sheathed swords and kicking shoes in the front middle seat. Nami screamed at the sight of Luffy with what appeared to be his entire hand in his mouth and started slapping his forehead where it was lying on her armrest, accidentally twisting the steering wheel and sending the van into even more chaos.

The sudden turn knocked Zoro into Sanji, which redoubled the fight, and caused Franky to put his soldering gun in exactly the wrong place; electricity jolted through his entire weird body and had him swearing a streak bluer than his hair. Robin looked up at the sudden flashes that were ruining her reading light and blinked at the writhing mechanic one seat behind her.

Though it probably saved his life by disconnecting him from the taser battery, Franky still couldn’t feel too grateful to Nami when she corrected their course, because the swerve sent Brook reeling and the older man accidentally put his (thankfully sheathed) cane-sword right into his soft bits.

_“OOF!”_

“Ah! My deepest apologies, Franky!”

“ _Ow_ … not… _super_ …”

Usopp, next to Robin, gripped the seat tight and kept his eyes firmly shut. “I’m in an open field… open field, open field, open field…”

The archaeologist gave him a sympathetic, yet still slightly amused, look. “Claustrophobia?”

“N-no. It’s _I-can’t-be-in-a-steel-death-trap-going-80-miles-an-hour-with-these-crazy-people-itis_.”

“Oh my. That sounds like a difficult disorder to manage. I hope it’s not terminal.”

“So do I! — _Nami watch the damn road!_ ”

A truck horn blared, loud as thunder, and the car swerved again as eight screams echoed against the metal walls, almost everyone bracing as Nami just barely avoided a head-on collision with an eighteen-wheeler. The ninth person, Luffy, just stared blankly through the windshield with a flat, hungry pout. Chopper wouldn’t let him keep chewing.

“Where the hell did you get your license, witch?! Oi get THE HELL off my swords dart-brow!”

“Shut up about Nami-swan! And get your damn swords off my leg, shitty moss!”

“Seriously… uncool…”

“I do apologize again, Franky! Here, let me make it up to you. How can I help? Do these wires need to connect?”

_Bzzzt_. “ _AH-OW_ - _W_ - _W-W-W_!”

“Luffy, please stop eating yourself!”

“But I’m _hungry_! And I taste _good!_ ”

“Waaah! _You_ _shouldn’t!_ ”

“Everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP OR SO HELP ME I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND.”

“ _Ah! Scary!_ ”

Robin turned a page, idly ducking to avoid one of Franky’s prosthetics as it flew by, knocked off by his electrified thrashing; Usopp wasn’t so lucky and got taken out by the thing. The hit slammed his face into the side of the door and he slumped down against his seatbelt, unconscious and drooling, muttering about fields and lovely, lovely Kaya.

Robin smiled. “Road trips are so much more amusing with friends.”

 


	2. Bonus Scene, or, Why Taking 9 Pirates to McDonalds is an Even Worse Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling conclusion.

“ _Welcome to McDonalds! What can I get for you today?”_

“Ch. I can cook food a thousand times better than this trash with half the crummy ingredients… Nami-swan and Lady Robin deserve better than this shit…”

“Shut the hell up, shit-cook. Oi, witch, I want beer.”

“Don’t talk to Nami like that! And what kinda idiot do you have to be to order beer at a McDonalds?!”

“I’ll talk however I damn well want!” The second thing froze him. “There’s no beer?”

“NO YOU IDIOT!”

“…I’m good.”

“C-can I have a happy meal?”

“I would be grateful for a chai tea, Nami-san!”

“Large cola would be _suuuuper_ for me!”

“Just some fries for me, thanks. And I think Usopp would prefer a double cheeseburger,” Robin added, since Usopp was still unconscious from Franky’s earlier flying prosthetic.

“Ooh, ooh, ooh! I want a Big Mac! _Two_ Big Macs! And a large fries! _Two_ large fries! And chicken nuggets! _Two_ chicken nuggets! And a drink! And ice cream! And meat! Are they still serving breakfast? Ooh, I want a bacon McMuffin! With extra bacon!”

“SHUT THE HELL UP ALL OF YOU!” Nami sighed and turned back to the screen, which was as silent as the van now was but still seemed to give off an air of shock. The lion-head hood ornament had a sweat-drop to match. “Alright. Put everything on the dollar menu if possible, please. So, we’ll have four large waters because FRANKY YOU STILL HAVE THIRTY CANS OF SODA LEFT. Three Big Macs, four large servings of fries, a forty-piece chicken nugget, LUFFY YOU’RE NOT GETTING ICE CREAM AND IT’S 2PM THERE’S NO WAY THEY’RE STILL SERVING BREAKFAST, and a chai tea with whole fat milk if you’ve got it. Two double cheeseburgers and make sure there’s no hot sauce packets in any of our bags because I know the idiot’ll try and set Luffy’s tongue on fire again when he wakes up. Aaaand… oh, and one Happy meal, please!”

The screen struggled to keep up with the order, and then a shaky voice came out. _“W-we don’t serve chai tea here… would just the milk be okay?”_ Nami glanced at Brook, who nodded, and she relayed the positive. _“And w-would you like the boy’s toy or the girl’s for the Happy meal?”_

“What are the toys?”

_“The boy’s is a racecar… the girl’s is a play nurse stethoscope…”_

Chopper’s eyes lit up and Nami nodded. “Stethoscope, please.”

“I wanna racecar!” Luffy whined.

“YOU’RE THE MOST EXPENSIVE PERSON IN THIS CAR! YOU’RE EATING MORE FOOD THAN THE REST OF US COMBINED! I’M NOT GETTING YOU A DAMN HAPPY MEAL TOO!”

_“Y-your total is… Forty-four dollars and ninety-three cents.”_

“Forty-four dollars?!” the navigator shrieked, horrified as her eyes desperately scanned the list of food on the screen. “W—w—urgh! Fine! Whatever!”

_“Th-thank you. N-next window, please.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the online prices for food at a McDonalds in California to get the total... and in case you're interested, here's what each of them received!
> 
> Zoro – 1 big mac, 1 large fries, 1 large water (which he won’t drink because it’s not alcohol)  
> Franky – 1 large water (which he won’t drink because he’s got soda)  
> Sanji – 1 large water (which he won’t drink and similarly, he didn’t order any food because he doesn’t consume this type of shit. But then Nami’ll say she bought it especially for him and he’ll drink all 3 of the above unfinished large waters too, which inevitably leads to multiple bathroom breaks)  
> Nami – 1 double cheeseburger  
> Usopp – 1 double cheeseburger, no hot sauce  
> Chopper – 1 Happy meal with toy  
> Robin – 1 large fries  
> Brook – 1 milk  
> Luffy – 3 big macs, 2 large fries, 1 40-piece chicken nuggets (yes this is a thing), 1 large water, the half of Chopper’s sandwich he couldn’t finish, the fries he stole from Robin, one of the patties on Usopp’s double cheeseburger (“Oi!” / “You were sleeping, it’s fair game!”) and 4 of Franky’s soda cans, which leads to a sugar high that nearly caused a freeway pileup and ended in more bathroom breaks than Sanji’s debacle… and a racecar. (Yes, that does mean he ate it.)  
> Alright, that's the end of it. I've got no more. PEACE.

**Author's Note:**

> So honesty time: this is actually a small piece of a fic I wrote BASED OFF ANOTHER FIC. Yes, I have indeed fallen so far, I'm writing fanfiction of fanfiction. ~sigh~
> 
> And this'll be my first post on Ao3, too. Swell.
> 
> Anyway, I took out/replaced all references to the fic I based this off of to avoid any nastiness. Still, I feel compelled to say that the inspiration is called "How It's Percieved" by spoons-are-evil. It's on FF, not sure about Ao3, but definitely go check it out! 
> 
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9945520/1/How-It-s-Perceived
> 
> Yeah, that's about it. PEACE.


End file.
